The shades of our lost time
by ChemicalFairy
Summary: Happens three years after Ana walked out of Christian. So much has happened for both. Ana finds out He is going to get married, totally broken she realizes She still loves him. Who is Christian going to marry with? Why? Will Ana try to stop him? Maybe Christian hasn't forgotten of Ana neither. **CHANGED TITLE**
1. Chapter 1

Hello.

I must say this first, this is my first time I have ever published a Story in English, tried several times but hasnt worked out. Hope this one does. My profile is filled out with Digimon stories in Spanish but again, being this post a first in every aspect this is going to be a 50 shades trilogy story.

This takes place after the first book, Ana walks out of Christian. They are going to meet up again years from then.

I hope not to disappoint any of you, have patient please since I am sure I am going to write with the words of a toddler.

Disclaimer: All characters belong to E.L James, the author.

* * *

**_Fifty shades of us._**

_by ChemicalFairy._

_I. First shade. Longing._

_'_  
_Time flies, takes so much with it that you can't even notice. But so many stays the same, as my love for you, Christian. _  
_'_

I wake up not knowing what time it is yet I feel I have slept too much. I dreamt of him and I say to myself that It's fine, that I hadn't in a long time, maybe It happened because I heard his name in the news though I didn't hear what was it about. Took the alarm clock from the table besides my bed to take a look at it... It's 7:00 am _Shit!_ I am going to be late at work.

Thank heaven there wasn't too much traffic otherwise I'd had arrived tremendously late, ten minutes are fine with someone with a clean record as me. I took place on my desk with a bunch of manuscripts in front of the keyboard of my computer. I have to read, correct and evaluate them all before the end days so Jack can decide which ones have more chances to be published in this monthly magazine he has just started to attract new writers. I like my job, better than pouring him coffee and having an eye on his schedule although now we work as a team and in a more deep way— that's the only I thing I don't like but It's not like everyone can choose its boss.

.

.

By noon I have finished half of them, happy by the productiveness of my half day I take off to lunch, there is this awesome pasta place nearby that recently opened. Just before I make it to the exit Jack approaches me.

"Hey Ana. Going for lunch?"  
"Yes, I am starving."  
"Me too." He rubs his stomach as I raise an eyebrow. "Maybe we could eat together."  
I nodded even though the idea of eating together wasn't much of my pleasure. _Oh Ana, is just a meal!,_ it is going to be okay.

We are chatting about the Magazine, work stuff is perfect as long he doesn't start on asking personal questions, he gets really heavy on them and makes me uncomfortable. Television is a background noise yet again something attracts my attention. I have heard his name again, and I look over Jack's head to pay attention to the lady on the news.

_"And now, on the entertainment section. I have some news for the ladies, the most wanted single socialite —I even dare to say in America, is going to get married. Yes, Christian Grey, president of Grey Enterprises and philanthropic celebrity is engaged. This was confirmed by himself in a brief interview during the opening of his annual gala for raising charity funds for dinners to orphan kids..."_

I let go of my fork, heard it hit the ground but I just couldn't care less. Not even about Jack who I thought was calling me tough I could only see his mouth moving but not hearing a single thing. He is going to get married... How? With who?

"With who?"

"Ana, are you okay?" I finally listen to Jack's voice. "You all of the sudden got very pale."

"What? I… I… don't feel okay." I feel dizzy as hell, I feel like about to throw up the meal I had just eaten. Did I hear it well? Christian is getting married? This cannot be happening, it just can't!

Jack says something but again I can't hear anything. I feel like fading away, Jack approaches but then I am gone.

.

.

I woke up in the floor, Jack is holding me and there is people surrounding me. Where I am?

"Oh! Thank god you have awakened!" Jack says with a relief expression. I feel the closeness.

"What, what happened?"

"You fainted." Oh, damn. "How are you feeling?"

"Dizzy. I can't remember what was I doing..." And I tried, some memories come back to me in small pieces of a is this anguish deep in my stomach, or maybe is the pasta... and then It hits me, Christian is getting married.

Tears start reaching the corner of my eyes yet I don't want any more attention from Jack than what I have already gotten. I stood up, he is still holding me. I am careful to bring myself together before I can talk.

"I am okay." I didn't sound okay. "I just wanna go home."

"I will take you home, let's go." And I accepted since with Jack nearby I knew I wouldn't broke down.

.

.

I am home, Jack wanted to put me to bed but I wouldn't accept that kind of intromission, dismissed him at my door and walked as I could to my bedroom. I slammed the door and threw myself to the mattress. It's so hard not having anyone to talk. Not with all the information, with all that involved the weird relationship I had with him. Kate and Jose only know that mom and dad also know, just a boyfriend that didn't last long. Just a guy. But he wasn't just a guy, he is the love of my life, the one I endear the most and the one that hurt me the most too. I then ask myself again, while I cover with all my blankets, how this happened? Who could he marry when He said himself he wouldn't never give more than his kinky fuckery. Who, for God sakes? Who?  
A name pops in my head and I feel the urge to scream to the top of my lungs. ? Oh, no. Not her! Not anyone! God... I feel like sinking into this big pool of dark water, smothering. Why Christian?

.

.

I wake up, my eyes hurt when I open them in the dark of my room. I cried myself to sleep last night, what time is it? What day is it? I feel like I had barely slept, I wanna go back to sleep yet I also feel like time has passed. I feel so disorientated. Alarm clock shows some minutes past four in the evening, last day was a Friday— I can remember now, but is it Saturday? Checked on my phone and I find is Sunday. I have slept for a complete day, amazing. My tummy roars but I don't wanna get up, I wish I could only stay in bed forever. My bladder disagrees and brings me to my feet, fucking damn it, I curse all my way to the bathroom. Now that I am up I guess I better go to the kitchen and get me something. I am starving but I don't wanna waste too much energy, cereal will have to do. I am all alone in the island of my kitchen, watching my cereal go soft because of the milk, I bury the spoon and then the doorbell rings.

A weird sensation installs in my stomach and a huge image of Christian waiting by the other side fulfills my senses. I run to the door, almost tripping in the end but I manage to reach the door and open it. My eyes fall in disappointment when I meet with a post mail guy.

"I have a delivery for Anastasia Steele." He mumbles, he sure is judging my miserable looking, I know, I watched myself in the bathroom mirror early.

It must be the books I had ordered from Amazon, they arrived a day earlier, Yay. I sign the paper and dispatched him quick. Inside I laugh for even thinking for a second He would appear at my door a day after announcing his engagement, silly me, he is in love with someone else, that else who made it through his fifty shades of fucked up. How could she? Did she started as a submissive too? How much did she bear until Christian fell in love with her? Maybe If I had tried harder I would be occupying her place. So many times within this years I thought of calling him, e-mailing him or even showing at his door but I was too much of a coward to do it and now, here I am again like when I left him, broken-hearted, alone, crying for him. It's been three years, Why I never let go of him?  
It is just that I thought he wouldn't, never, do this with anyone.

I put the cardboard box on my table and I go back to my cereal, finish it within seconds and I realize I need to eat a proper meal. I am too hungry.  
After I ate I did the dishes and then I fell in the sofa to catch a book I had waiting there, while I was cooking I had remembered what got me through the end of my story with Christian three years ago and that was keeping myself busy; If It hadn't been for the pouring rain I would had been out doing the garden. I notice the box I had delivered in the evening, wow, I forgot totally about it. Maybe it was a sixth sense I didn't know I had that warned me…

I stared at the content of the box speechless, maybe I was dreaming or hallucinating. I reached out to touch the fabric of the silver tie, God, is as soft as I can remember; I start crying, there is no need to hold it any longer. I find the mac and the blackberry too. There is another little box, I open it and I find the helicopter model I had given him the last day I ever saw him, on the bottom of the main box was a note with his beautiful calligraphy.

_"Anastacia,_

_It's hard to know how to start when I don't even know the reason behind this note. Maybe you haven't heard but I am going to get married and, although we have not seen each other in three years I felt the urge and the obligation to notice you. You were a first in so many things I cannot even describe, Dr. Flynn and I have talk too much about you but mainly you were a reassurement of who I am.  
I am going to start a new and unknow stage, I want to let go my past and you are in it. I couldn't throw this things away so I thought of sending them over. Sure you won't have any problem of fullfilling that action for me.  
I just had to say something to you. I just had to let you know I kept this objects. I am never this impulsive._

_—Christian"_

* * *

_First chapter. I know the subtitle says first shade but I am am pretty sure I am not going to write fifty chapters. It is just a concept. There are a lot of questions floating like: How is it even possible that Christian is about to get married? or Why did he send that package to Ana? _

_I need to say I will be updating once every month or every 45 days. I have a lot of projects and each one is important for me. Just to let you know I might take long but I don't give up on my stories._

Thanks :)


	2. Chapter 2

Hello Everyone!

I feel so excited about all the reviews and follows and favs you have given me. You are the best! I know some of you really think my time frame for updates is very long. I am sorry, I thought that being honest from the begginin was the right thing to do yet, with this huge welcome to the 50 shades fandom, I feel so inspired to work on this as fast as I can. Expect updates every two weeks, if I feel I am not going to make it I will let you know with anticipation and whenever that happens I will make sure to do a little resume so you don't have to read everything all over again.

One more thing, remember this fiction takes place after the first book, so just forget of what you know from the other sequels. I think that is all I need to say before tonight's chapter so... Enjoy it!

Disclaimer: All characters belong to E.L James, the author.

* * *

**_The shades of our lost time._**

_by ChemicalFairy._

_II._

_'_

_Walked away, heard them say: poison hearts will never change._

'

I stay still, my mind racing, trying to understand a rush of emotions and thoughts. I have so many questions and It makes me very anxious the fact I won't have any answers. I re-read the note over and over again, trying to find some hidden message. No, Christian was always very punctual. _You knew the guy for a couple of weeks!_, my subconcious raises her voice, I hadn't listen it for a while now.

I don't know neither what to do with the Macbook Pro or the blackberry. Maybe I can donate the computer, the blackberry is three years old nobody will want it. I sigh, I've cried way too much, I really need to stop.

As some kind of telepathic power, whispering that I don't want to be alone, my phone rings. I pick it up and find my beloved friend's voice: Kate Kavagnah.

"Hey Stranger!" She sounds very motivated.

"Hey Kate. What's up?"

"Hey, hold on Ana. What's wrong?" My voice gave everything away.

"I am watching a sad movie." I lie.

"Oh, don't be such a baby Ana." I laugh, I love this woman. "Hey, I was thinking... Do you plans for next weekend?"

"No, I don't Kate."

"That's what I thought. Jeez Ana, you worry me sometimes. Ever since you moved out by yourself you got very antisocial."  
Kate's accusation takes me by surprise. Oh, well, I hadn't realized such thing.

"I.. I am sorry."

"Just... Try to stay in touch. José told me he hasn't seen you in ages. We were best friends, Ana."

"What's your plan for the weekend?" I try desperately to end Kate's scold.

"Oh! Yes. I have to attend this charity event. It is for Coping Together assosiation. Have you heard of it?"

"Mmm..." I try to remember. "No, not really."

"Okay, me neither." She laughs and makes me laugh. "But apparently is the mother of the parties within Seattle and Portland socialité, the guy from the social section of the newspaper broke his leg so I am filling in for him."

"Okay, let me get this straight. You want me to come with you while you do your work, to this huge event with the most whealty people of Seatle?"

"And Portland."

"Of course, Portland too." I roll my eyes though she cannot see me. "I don't know If I could handle it."

"Ana, stop the crap. You are coming."

I smile again. "I'll go with you. It is going to be a thrill to see you."

She screamed. She is thrilled already and I write down a mental note that I should not abandon my friends.

(*)

Monday has come back. I am thankful, work is going to totally distract me from my shitty weekend. I have not watched TV or even listen to the radio, I don't wanna risk myself to hear his name again.

Jack stares at me while I enter through the glass door of our floor.

"Hey Ana. How is it going?"

"Good thank you Jack. I am sorry I had to leave early last friday."

"It is okay, you didn't look fine."

I wasn't fine, I am not fine. But then I won't let my broken heart go in the way of my job. I take sit and start the day.

(*)

On Tuesday Jack and I were all day on the printing house, supervising carefully the new volume of our literary magazine. The process is amazing and I am infinitely thankful to our awesome corporative; when I just started working with Jack as his assistant, we were notified of a change of administration. They have supported our ideas, invested in SIP and now we are the best version of SIP ever.

Jack holds the first magazine of the printing line which is completely finished and grins at me. _Oh Jack, so you can be fun and nice when you_ _are not all over me._

_(*)_

.  
Wednesday was such a calm day at work, I even let myself sink into my personal thoughts. Cold-headed —or so I thought— I googled Christian, if he is so open about his upcoming marriage there should be something about his fiancé.

I was browsing through the images with the key word "Christian Grey" when I found... Our picture at my graduation... _Holy fuck._ I holded my breathe to the sight of it, he even has a crooked shy smile on his lips. Those heavenly lips...

I closed the tab to the unbearable pain I started to feel in my chest. Heartaches will be always the worst ones.

(*)

Weekend has arrived in the blink of an eye. I don't know if it is me but time seems to go by faster and faster everyday. I am finishing my paperwork, in ten minutes Kate is going to pick me up so we can get ready together for the gala tonight.

I turned off my computer, grabbed my purse and walked to catch the elevator. I had to run but I am finally off the building, I sight of Kate's car.

"Ana!" She even steps off the car to come and hug me in the middle of the street.

"Oh, Kate!" In her arms I let go the all the stress I have been through since last friday. "How you been?"

.

.

All the way to her apartment she couldn't stop chatting about her work at the newspaper. She has been given a daily column of political analysis plus the news regarding Seattle's political life. She likes to be around powerful people. _Way to go_ _Kate! _I am so glad my dear friend is doing so well.

"Okay... Here you go." She hands me a little black velvet bag.

I open it and find an incredible beautiful venetian mask. It is silver with details on a brighter silver thick thread. I gaze at her, my eyes do the question.

"Apparently this gala requires us to be wearing one of this. Mine is red."

"Well, this is going to be fun." I answer, for some reason I am starting to feel excited.

.

.

Kate stopped her car in the entrance of a big hall. There is a crowd outside the door, it looks like a parade waiting to go into the big saloon, they talk with too much enjoyment about. tonight. In the mid time, the valet comes over and Kate hands him the keys, I am about to open my door but Daniel, the newspaper photographer that is coming with Kate, opens it for me and offers me his hand. Such a gentleman! I can see Kate rolling her eyes.

"Thanks Daniel."

He is wearing a dark suit with a white shirt and a silver tie, my favorites, but he obviously doesn't know that. The dark mask he is also wearing makes his blue eyes to stand out. The three of us walk towards the entrance where everybody is hanging out. Well, Kate and Daniel have a job to do and so they start right away.

I feel the weight of some eyes on me, It feels weird being in a party full of people I don't know. I look everywhere but I can't find whoever is staring at me. Maybe I am just being paranoid.

We are all now in the huge hall. It is so fancy and so glamorous I feel like in a movie. Wow, this is beyond extraordinary. I am at the open bar waiting for my drink while Kate is writing something on her iPhone.

"So, what do you think?" She unexpectedly asks.

"Oh, this is amazing. I feel like an outcast though."

"You always feel like an outcast Ana." She scolds me and I don't reply back because I know she is right. "But I will give you this one, I can even smell the whealtyness out of them."

"The room stinks of money." She laughs and then drinks the rest of her cola, She is so professional she is not even doing alcohol.

She sights of someone who's name I had never heard before, she hands me her empty glass and runs towards them. I sigh, yep, I am going to be alone most of the night.

Once I am being given my drink, the lights go dimmer and one brighter illuminates the stage. Oh, this going to get started. The master of ceremonies walks into the light on the stage and produces a microphone.

"Welcome to the XX charity gala for Coping together." He announces. "Tonight we are celebrating twenty years of working together for a better future for thousand of kids not only in Seattle but in many other cities of America." Everyone applauds. "Now, May I introduce to you, for some words, the remarkable couple that is making all of this possible: Mr. and Dr. Grey."

_Oh, shit! _I almost let go of my glass. _Oh Ana! You have come voluntarely to your worst nightmare... _I look everywhere and at the main table, right in front of the stage I see him applauding with the rest of the crowd. He, Christian... And a silver blond woman next to him. Is that his... fiancé?

The heartache comes racing back to my chest.

Maybe it was that he felt my stare. He turned his eyes to me and our eyes locked within time and space. I cannot break free of his grey, glorious, eyes.

The silver blond demands his attention and then our moment is over. _Thank God._ I drink the rest of my glass in a quick sip so I can get the hell out of here.

Safe in the ladies' restroom I come up with a plan, simple enough: I will take a cap home; I just don't wanna interfere with Kate's work. I will just find her and tell her I am not feeling okay, which is totally true. When I find my guts to step out of the restroom I find Daniel waiting by the door.

"Here you are! Are you okay?"

"Yeah, It's just that I—"

He holds my hand in the middle of my sentence and drags me to the dancefloor were everyone is. Kate is dancing with some guy and winks her eye towards me and Daniel. I realize then than we are still holding hands.

"May I have a dance with you, Mrs. Steel?"

It pains me the way he called me. There is no sight of him and this perfect gentleman in front of me is asking for a dance. Why not?

We start dancing, the music is a waltz and again I feel like in a movie, dancing in the court of some lost kingdom. Daniel dances incredibly good, I feel like floating. And from heaven I go straight to hell once Christian and the silver blond woman passes doing circles next to us. He stares at me and then at Daniel, there is something burning in his eyes, I fear of what I see in them so badly that I almost trip. Daniel catches me before I smack my face on the floor.

"What the hell is wrong with him? He almost knocks you down." Daniel grabs my hand again and walks me out of the dancefloor.

"I don't know." I mubbled with short breathe. "Can you hand me a drink? Please."

"Sure, wine?"

"Yeah, that will be fine."

Daniel walks away to the bar; I stay on the edge of the dancefloor trying to find Christian and ask him what the fuck is his problem. I am so angry, I do prefer anger over sadness though. I finally see him, across the hall talking with that woman, his fiancé. They seem to be arguing, Christian runs a hand through his hair, a sign of exasperation I know very well from him. The silver blond woman walks away from him, he doesn't follow her.

I stare and before I notice, my legs are moving towards him. He is just standing there, waiting for me? I don't know. His gaze gives nothing away. When I am close enough he takes my hand and walks me to another alley, away from the crowd. He puts me against the wall, his body is tense —I can see it in his jaw. _Sweet jesus, is this really happening?_

"I just wanna make sure it is you..." He whispers while his hands untie the knot that holds my silver mask on my face. He throws it at the floor while his hands grab firmly my hair to keep my head still. I cannot stare at anything but his grey burning eyes.

"Anastasia Steele..." He mubbles like choking with each word.

"Christian Grey." I reply back. "A pleasure meeting you here."

He says nothing and his silence is making me so anxious. He is pulling my hair and it is starting to hurt. _So, you haven't changed at all Christian_.

"Who's that you came with?"

What? Why does he even care anyway?

"It is not a date if that's your question."

"Looked like a date to me."

I find some inner streght to pull away from his hands. He is burning, I can feel it in his hot breathe.

"I heard you are getting married."

There, I said it. His eyes are now wide open. Why is he even surprised?

"I didn't know you had a track on me."

I laugh. Oh Christian, you are still so egocentric.

"I heard it on the news." I correct him. "I gotta go, Daniel is surely looking for me."

His face darkens even more. He is so tense and I feel the anticipation... Of what? I really don't know what is he gonna do. _Just go Ana, go now!_ My subconcious yells madly at me. He raises his hand and strokes the edge of my chin with his fingers. Oh, his touch... I cannot believe what he is doing.

"Ana. I—" He doesn't finish his sentence. I gaze down to where my mask is. He picks it up for me and puts it back on my face. "Did you receive my package?" I nod and he sighs. "Go now, I am sure Daniel demands the presence of his date."

I blink twice. He is so stubborn. I know he won't spill the beans about his upcoming marriage. Part of me is glad, I really don't wanna know the details; _Just who is he going to marry! _My subconcious yells again.

"Ana?" I jump, that is Daniel's voice. I look for Christian but he is nowhere to be seen.

I feel the urge to cry, I wanna go home. Daniel is looking at me totally worried. I take his hand once again and let myself just walk, dance or talk in automatic pilot until the party is over.

* * *

So here you have the second chapter, hope you liked it! I have a question for you: would you prefer short chapters and fast updating? Or long chapters with a little more of time between them? Let me know your thoughts on the reviews. Once again I wanna say thank you for the formidable response you have given to this story. For any question feel free to reach me by PM.

Again, thank you :)

ps. Yes, I changed the title. There was a prior story named Fifty Shades of us. Sorry for the confusion!


	3. Chapter 3

Hi girls!

it is 5 am in here but I jus had to update. I know I am a week late, or is it two? I am so sorry. I need to sleep so lets do this quick.

Disclaimer: I do not own Fifty Shades characters.

* * *

**The shades of our lost time.**

_by Chemicalfairy  
_

III.

Daniel drops me at home all by himself. Kate ran into Elliot —Christians's older brother— at the party too. I actually never knew what happened with them after Barbados, but they sure are spending the night together right now. It is funny in a certain and ironical way the different luck we both had with the Grey boys; I am sure Kate never faced playrooms, a dark past or weird shit from Elliot, he looks like such a chill out guy.

We are at my door, Daniel is looking at me directly to my eyes. He blinks, what is he thinking of? I wonder. He leans down but not enough to kiss me though I can feel his breathe in my face.

"I think you are really beautiful Ana."

I blush. It has been ages since anyone called me like that. After Christian I haven't been interested in any kind of dating.

"Thank you Daniel." I reply, I feel nervous for some reason.

He smiled as I turned to unlock the door. I feel rude leaving him behind like that.

"Would you like a cup of tea?" I offer st my open door. He grins at me, boyishly nods.

I turned the lights on and found a huge vase with red roses waiting for me at my kitchen island. This wasn't here when I left.

"Wow." Daniel snorfs. "You could have told me you are taken." He sounds hurt.

"I am not!" I yelled. I walked towards the vase to read the card.

"It was a pleasure to see you too Mrs. Steele."

"Oh for the love of God!" I say with exasperation. He likes to appear and dissapears at his convenience. And How the fuck he entered my house?!

"Ana.. Maybe we can have that tea another time."

I turn to face Daniel. He is so good looking and so nice, he has a normal job and doesn't look like a control freak. It is true that before Christian I wasn't very interested on boys neither but Why? Why do I have to be so insecure about relationships? Yes, I made a huge mistake by falling inlove with an impossible, does that mean I do not deserve to move on? Well he did...

"No, please stay." I beg. "I am sorry about all of this." He smiles as I walk towards him, he takes my hand so he can pull me closer to him.

"Fine then." He reaches to me and kisses me.

(*)

I wake up confused. My clock shows that it is five in the morning. I was making out with Daniel on my couch until he wanted to go a step forward, I couldn't say yes to his proposal and He left angry. What a night I've had!  
I take my cellphone from the floor to put it back on my night table. I realize I have a couple of e-mails. One is from Jack stating a meeting in New York has come off unannounced for next week, my excitment for the New York trip goes away when I read the remitant of the second e-mail.

From: Christian Grey  
Subject: Tomorrow  
Date: June 8, 2014 01:20 am  
To: Anastasia Steele

Dear Anastasia,

I am truly sorry for my behavior at the ball, It was so unexpected for me to see you there— and not alone. There is so much I'd like to tell you regarding the matter you asked me about. Could I take you out to lunch tomorrow?  
Again, I am sorry. I will be waiting for your answer.

Christian Grey  
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

Holy fuck.  
I am upset at the way Christian treated me last night and at the same time I feel guilty for having another man on my mouth earlier. He wants to see me to discuss this marriage thing that has been driven me crazy since I heard about it... Should I accept? Should I face Christian?

(*)

"Hey" I slowly open my eyes, sun is burning bright out of my window. It is Kate who is calling me.

"Hey"

"I came to check you out, last night I couldn't drop you" Kate asks. "Daniel was at the door when I arrived, You know?"

Oh, he left?" I thank God.

"Yes, he works on Sundays too and was running late. Ana, What is all this?" She points out the flowers and I remember I had pending a little argument with her.

"Christian Grey's flowers." She opens her eyes in huge surprise I can tell. "You could have told me He would be there, you know?"

"Well, I didn't have the guest list and It was pretty obvious.

I laugh. She knew Elliot would be there too. It is not her fault since She doesn't know all that happened between Christian and me. From laughter I fall to sadness and my dear friend realizes.

"What's wrong?"

I glare at her, I am struggling on Fifty's lunch invitation. Should I tell her?

"I am going to New York next week with my boss".

She smiles and hugs me, she tells me I should be happy and I smile her back. I feel sad because I want to tell Kate everything but I know I have to be careful when talking about Christian. I decide to accept his invitation once Kate is gone. I reach my cellphone to e-mail him.

From: Anastasia Steele  
Subject: Today  
Date: June 8, 2014 11:05 am  
To: Christian Grey

Christian,

Apology accepted. I will take that meal.  
Just try to keep your hair on this time, please.  
And, just to let you know,  
we will discuss further your heavy intromission to my place.

Ana.

I didn't wait for too long for the answer.

From: Christian Grey  
Subject: Finally today  
Date: June 8, 2014 11:07 am  
To: Anastasia Steele

Ana,

Sure we will. I will be at your door in an hour. Better hurry up.

Christian Grey  
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

Wow, that is in less than an hour. Yes, I should hurry up.

(*)

It is already noon. I am paler than a ghost, though I have some make up on, and I am feeling my heart on my throat. Jeez, it has been three years already, he is getting married and I keep on feeling like this, how more ridiculous can I get?  
The bell rings and I trip with my own feet trying to reach the door. Damn, it hurts. I open the door back in my two feet and there he is. Glorious, there is no better word to describe him, he stares at me with a grim kind of the same way he looked at me in the ball last night. He is wearing a casual outfit, jeans and a white t-shirt, he looks still so young to get married.

"Hi" I manage to say.

He is still quiet just staring at me, he then turns his eyes to the insides of my house as looking for something. He finds his flowers on my kitchen counter and he lets go the air he apparently was holding.

"Hello Ana"

His voice is harsh and thick. He also sounds like last night, like mad, but why would he? I accepted his lunch invitation and, are we going to stand here forever?

"Are you going to let me in or...?

What?

"Let you in? I thought we were going out to have a meal."

He lifts his right hand and shows me some Thai food he must had picked on his way here. Okay, so this is new. I step aside to let him.

"I am sorry, I promise I will take you out to a nice place soon". He is talking very fast, so unlike him. "I just needed to see you in a private place".

And there he goes again, talking to me like that. Can't he see those words are not meant to be said by someone who is engaged? I say nothing and I walk to the kitchen to grab some plates as he follows me with his eyes from the living room.

"I only have soda". I say, he lifts his shoulders not minding the beverage. I finally sit on my knees in front of him.

This wide, thick silence builds between us. We have not even moved to open the food or have a sip of soda. We just stare at each other and I feel like the time has just frozen. I wouldn't mind staying like this forever. He breaks the spell by blinking, he reached his eyes and covers them, he looks so troubled. Sad even.

He quietly puts some food onto his plate and starts eating. I do the same after I am out of my shock, we eat in silence, a silence that is starting to drive me crazy.

"I think you owe me an explanation." He stops and stares at me. "You know, about the flowers?"

"Oh." He resumes his eating until he swallows. "You shouldn't leave your emergency key in your mailbox. It is the first place anyone would look for it."

I couldn't help to laugh. "So you didn't have Taylor do it for you."

"Taylor doesn't work for me anymore." Oh, no! I open my eyes in surprise. "I really do not want to talk about that."

"Okay. What do you want to talk about then?"

He keeps on eating, ignoring my question. I roll my eyes at my empty plate yet He sees me and laughs.

"I missed that. So, did you have fun last night?"

I nod. I can be quiet too. He keeps on waiting for me to go on for some moments. Oh my, how long is this going to get?

"It was such a surprise to see you there after all this time."

I nod again and take a sip from my glass.

"Will you talk to me?"

"I thought you were here to talk to me about certain stuffs Christian."

He stares at the floor. For someone about to get married doesn't look too excited about it.

"I... I am sorry."

"I accepted your apology."

"So much has happened since the last time I saw you, three years ago." He begins. "How have you been?" He changes the subject. I have never seen Fifty so nervous.

"I have been okay." I just can't say good. He nods and gives me a tiny smile. "You don't look even okay Christian."

"It is because I am not." He sighs. "I told you I would tell you what is going on. I feel like you could be the only one who would actually listen." He sighs and inhales deeply before continuing. "I... I am marring this woman because She is expecting my child."

I turn to stone. I thought my heart couldn't be more broken but I was obviously wrong. I should have thought of that.

"I see." What else can I say.

"Are you crying?" He asks in huge surprise. Fucking damn it! I get up and run to the bathroom, he follows me in as I wipe away my tears with some tissue paper. "Ana?" He takes the paper away, takes my chin and lifts it so I look at him. "If I had only run after you..."

"What are you saying?"

He runs his free hand through his copper hair. "I am such a fucked up being. More than I was when you appeared in my life. Now, I am going to fuck this kid's life as well. I did not looked for this and now it is all so screwed."

He let go of my chin and fell on his knees in the middle of my bathroom. He is just a poor boy in troubles, so big troubles.

"You are going to be a great father." I try to cheer him up.

"How can a guy like me be a good father? I keep girls to beat, I am drunken asshole. I am not good for it yet... I couldn't walk away from it as my biological dad did from me.. I just couldn't."

He broke down, right there in front of me. He has a lot on his shoulders right now that I forget of own pain just to relief some of his.

(*)

We are on my bedroom, lying on the bed just talking. He is holding my hand since I helped him stand up from the bathroom floor. It feels so nice, just being like this and I would give anything away just for him to be happy and feel confident about himself. The girl he is going to marry is called Leila and was one of is old subs, I asked him if she was the silver blond I saw at the party but he dynes it.

"That was Elena." He says with a nervous voice. "Your Ms. Robinson."

"Oh." I find nothing else to say to that.

"Will you let me stay If I ask nicely?"

He looks at me with those grey pearls he has as eyes. He removes my whole being, leaving me enchanted but I have had my dose of reality, he can't be mine anymore.

"Isn't Leila going to wonder where you are?"

"She is at Denver visiting her parents. Please?"

I laugh. He is so good at asking for something. No wonder he always gets what he wants.

"I missed your laughter. I missed you a lot Anastasia Steele."

He says such things. I reply him back with the same though I can't put on words how much have I missed him. I let him stay as I want this day to last as much as it can. I want to hold on to this, it will be the only way I am going to make it through this situation.

"You do understand I do not really feel anything for Leila, right?"

"Yes, she is just pregnant of you. You have said it."

He stares at me for some seconds. I couldn't figure his plan when he started moving until I had his body on top of me. His hands have my wrists as their prisoners.

"I just want you to have that clear." He hisses so close to my lips. "And you, is there anyone in your life?"

"If it was I wouldn't let you be on me..." I say through my harsh breathing. I remember of Daniel and I feel so guilty again.

"Good." He reaches and kisses the top of my nose.

I feel like fainting just to have him on me. Oh what he still does to me! He rolls back to his side, hold my hand again and closes his eyes.

"How I wish I could be with you one last night..."

"Me too." I reply honestly. "But you got to start doing things right." I bite my tonge, being in someone else's bed but his fiancé's is the opposite of doing things right.

We laugh together. He puts his arm around me and sinks his head on my hair. Soon I find out he has fallen asleep.

* * *

I know there are still a lot of questions in the air like, are Ana and Christian ever going to be back together? Keep on reading to find out!

I hugely appreciate all the sweet reviews I've gotten from you. Thank you for the huge support you are giving to the story. As I said from the beggining English is not my mother language so I am working twice as hard on this fanfiction.

Again, thank you for the reviews, for the follows and favs, for waiting, for everything. YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST!


	4. Chapter 4

I am a day late for my update but better late than never. I know you have a lot of questions, theories, but everything shall be said!

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, they all belong to E.L James.

* * *

**The shades of our lost time.**

_by Chemicalfairy  
_

IV.

When I wake up he is nowhere to be seen. I pale at the thought of him being here might be just a very lucid dream. I wouldn't really be surprised if I am just going crazy, that sounds better than broken-hearted, but it is still very scary. I get up heading directly to the restroom, the perfect place to wander around.

When I reach up the kitchen to have something from breakfast I see a sheet of paper there in my fridge just holded by an iman Kate gave me from Barbados. It was real! My subconcious raises her voice in a pitchy tone.

"_Ana,_

_ I had to go. Thank you for letting me stay. It was good to talk to you._

_ Christian."_

I take the note from the fridge to re-read it again and again. Will this be the last I am getting from him? I hope I can see him again. I want to see him again, soon. He is just one scared boy, He told me so much and last night It was the most I have ever listen to him talk and talk and talk that in some part of the night I missed the taciturn Fifty I used to know.

Once I have finished my cereal I run over my bedroom to find the box where I had kept the Blackberry and the Macbook. His silver tie I have it under my pillow together with my Charlie Tango balloon; I giggle at the amusement It causes me that Christian had no idea I had those items right where he was lying with me.

I turn on the Macbook. It is so barely used, runs like a new one, my e-mail pops open in a second and my fingers are touching the keyboard just not writing anything yet. The e-mail communication bridge sounded like a good idea when I was having breakfast but now... I just don't understand If we were left in some kind of position. With the absolutely unexpected sincerity and willing to talk of Christian I think We could be... Friends? Could we be friend? Sounds like so little and at the same time so much. We were nothing a week ago.

I finally find the words to write. I type fast and hit send once I had written the final dot. Short message, I don't want to overwhelm him.

_" From: Anastasia Steele._

_Subject: Houdini_  
_ Date: June 9, 2014. 10:24 am_  
_ To: Christian Grey_

_ Mr. Grey_

_ It was nice to see you too. We should do it again sometime; remember you have a friend in me. _

_ Tough… I still hate how you disappear. _

_ Ana."_

I know that if I expect any kind of answer it is going to kill me through the day. Sunday is a day of work at the house and my laundry is not going to be done by itself, oh how wonderful If that could only happen, but it doesn't so I close the Macbook and reach for my iPod so at least I have a beat to dance to whilst I do my home chores.

.

I am in the tub, just sitting in the warm, jasmine-scented water I've prepared to myself. I am so relaxed, my muscles let go all the frustration and tense I had been feeling since I had heard of Christian's engagement. I sigh, more worried than sad― a baby, it is because of a baby, his baby. I shiver to the thought of a gorgeous baby boy with grey eyes and copper hair in the arms of Christian while He sings him to sleep; the image is just so damn beautiful I feel the urge to cry, Oh How I wish I was carrying his baby!  
I have never been into boys, relationships, dates, marriage or the ideal of family; I thought of focusing at school and my career, be a successful woman in my field. Kids? I had never thought of kids before but here I am, wishing I was the mother of Christian's child. I caress my empty womb.

The Blackberry, which was lying in a chair right next to me, buzzed. I had my eyes closed and so into my thoughts that It scared me. It was time for me to get out of the bathtub anyway so I grab a towel and step out. On my way back to the bedroom I check the blackberry.

_"From: Christian Grey._

_Subject: Weightless_

_ Date: Sunday, September 30th, 2013_  
_ To: Anastasia Steele._

_ Miss Steele,_

_ Talking to you lifted a huge weight from my shoulders. How did you do it? Definitely, we need to keep on seeing each other; I have been expecting the word "friend" for what feels an eternity. _

_ I am sorry I left._

_ Christian Grey_

_ Friendly CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc."_

I have a stupid grin in my face. Yes! I am going to keep on seeing him! My subconscious is doing a victory dance, she is happy and so I am. _Yes Christian, I want to be your friend, someone you can look for support, someone who will listen and not judge you. _Yes, I can be that for as long as he needs me. Be at his wedding? The thought wounds me badly but yes, if he needs me there, there is where I shall be.

And that night I dreamt of a grey-eyed baby in the arms of Grace Trevelyan, of Christian waiting at the altar and me standing in first line to watch him say '_I do'_. It is a nightmare.

*.*.*

The office is empty when I arrive. Looks like I am the first one, it is kinda early and It is only because I couldn't sleep anymore. I take my time to prepare coffee and take a look at the things-to-do list I keep on my desk. Now that I remember, Jack said something about a trip to New York this week. I had totally forgotten about it!

"It is a publishing congress. There are going to be books presentations from the biggest publishing houses in the world. Also a huge amount of authors will be checking out publishers for them."

Jack is exited too. Is this a first in SIP? I am so happy to be part of it. Jack also said we could, and should, organize some workshops for amateur authors and puts me in charge of it so I need to design a program of activities. We are leaving on Tuesday, tomorrow, and returning until Sunday morning.

.

.

.  
I am at lunch, sitting in a Starbucks planning out my workshop. Two women enter the coffeehouse talking too much out loud, it would had been normal except I catch up a name, his name...

"Christian slept somewhere else yesterday. I had planned to get back sooner as a surprise and He wasn't there." A pale, skinny, brown-haired girl said.

"Did he tell you where was he?"

The girl said no, she seems angry. She looks just like me, not just with coincidences but that girl could be my lost twin. I know Christian Grey is not the only boy named Christian in Seattle but... I just need to listen more.

"I am afraid He is seeing an old friend of his. He says they are just friends but... He used to love her." She looked down. "I know he is not amused about the baby but that doesn't give him the right to cheat on me."

A baby? She looks to skinny to be pregnant. Maybe she is just a few weeks on; Christian never mentioned how much time Leila has.

"You've got to stand your ground to all costs. Don't let anyone put a hand on your man, the father of your baby. If Elena thinks for a second he is going to steal him away you shall fight her back."

I couldn't help to roll my eyes at that as it sounds like soap opera cheap lines. Elena, mmh, Christian said the silver blond in the ball was Elena, _Mrs. Robinson_; I am going to agree with her this time. Mrs. Robinson is no good for him.

My lunch time is almost over but I just need to confirm the girl who looks like me is, indeed, Leila. _Damn it!_ Why nobody says any name?!

"Don't worry. I've done so much now to keep Christian. I wouldn't let him go that easily."

"Leila?" The coffee guy said her name out loud to hand her the coffee. _Oh fuck, it is her!_

.

For some reason I feel the words of Leila were aimed to me. I can't concentrate as her words, her threat, echoes in my mind. An e-mail notification rings in my earphones, making me jump.

_"From: Christian Grey_

_Subject: Airport Cab_  
_ Date: June 10, 2014 5:07 pm_  
_ To: Anastasia Steele_

_ I have a ride tomorrow to the airport and I thought I could pick you up._

_Let me know._

_Christian Grey_

_CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc."_

His stalking tendencies still surprise me. How does he know I am taking a flight tomorrow? I can only laugh, better that than losing my nerves. I e-mail him a quick answer.

_"From: Anastasia Steele_

_Subject: Stockers never change_

_Date: June 10, 2014. 5:10 pm_

_To: Christian Grey._

_You know no boundaries, do you? I guess there is no point on telling you my schedule. Yes, please._

_Why are you going to the airport anyway?_

_Ana-"_

He takes a nanosecond to reply.

_"From: Christian Grey_

_Subject: Airport Cab_  
_ Date: June 10, 2014 5:12 pm_  
_ To: Anastasia Steele_

_Your schedule actually changed, I will be at your door 8 am so be ready._

_I will explain, have an open mind._

See you soon.

_Christian Grey_

_CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc."_

_What the hell?_ Earlier? Is Jack flight going to change too? I am supposed to be fly with him. What is Christian doing? I notice He didn't answer my question about What is he going to do at the airport but I just don't have time, I've got suitcases to prepare.

*.*.*

I am sitting in my sofa, nervously tapping the floor with my heels. I dressed up and I look like a 1930's woman, the only thing missing is the black and white background. Christian will laugh, hysterically. I remove the ridiculous tiny black hat and let my hair go its own weird way, pony tails are giving me headaches; I am about to change my pencil skirt when the doorbell rings; _Damn it!_

_"_One Second!" I yell from my bedroom. The skirt is gone and I am only in my stockings looking for some jeans.

"I told you to be ready… Oh, Ana!"

I am frozen, sitting in my bed about to remove the stockings from my legs in order to wear my jeans. Christian is at the door with his jaw on the floor, looking at me so… full or erotica. He just doesn't close the door and I am running out of blood to keep on blushing. I grab a shirt that was lying on my bed and throw it at him.

"Christian!"

He reacts, finally, and leaves the room. What is wrong with him?! I am hyperventilating, trying to catch my breath. That was so rude and so sexy at the same time, I feel desire, waking up from the deepest part of my body; it has been a while since I don't feel this way, aroused just by the thought of he, seeing me.

"We are going to be late Ana."

When I exit my bedroom I try not to look at him. I grab my purse and my suitcase and wait for him at the door just looking at my Blackberry tough the screen is black. Christian takes my suitcase, our fingers meet in quick friction and there it is, the electricity I had felt in my bedroom when he was staring at me. It is too much for me to bear so I let go the suitcase.

"Thanks." I say shyly, still not looking directly at his grey eyes.

He puts the suitcase on the trunk; I notice he has some cases of his own. So he is catching a plane too, uh? Where?

When we are in the car, he in the driving spot and I at his side, the thick silence appears between us. Oh, the remnants of our accidental encounter.

"We are so going to be late."

.

.

.

I ask nothing while we wait in a private room, nothing as I can't think of anything else that is not Christian's eyes staring at me. He is talking on his Blackberry, arranging a take-off on a private flight since I lost my re-schedule one. Didn't he say He had a airplane? I can't remember, but yeah, _get me in plain soon Grey_! or I sure will lose my job.

"Come on. We need to go on board." He offers me his hand and I don't hesitate to take it.

His thumb is caressing my knuckles while we walk, very damn fast, on an empty hallway. We finally arrive to what looks like a warehouse, an airplane standing alone in the middle of the place. The stairs to board are ready and up at the door there is a flight-attendant with her shiny smile. I have always wondered if they receive any special training to be able to smile for the longest times; the thought freaks me out.

"Where are we going Ana?" Christian asks playful. I flick an eyebrow.

"Well, I have to get off in New York before 2 pm or my boss kills me. Where are you going?"

The smile he was wearing disappeared. Oh, did I say something wrong? I thought we were just kidding. The hold he has of my hand gets tighter.

"Let's sit. We need to take-off now. We will talk during the flight."

* * *

Thank you so much for your kind reviews (most of them, haha) I know it is hard to see your favorite couple into a damn lot of troubles between them. I just think that making it so easy for them would be very boring. don't you think?

Let me know your thoughts about tonight's chapter. I am listening to each one of your advices and questions to be solved.

It is kinda late in here and I must go to bed. Everybody have a goodnight!


	5. Chapter 5

Hi Everyone,  
Another update night. How are you all doing? I have nothing interesting to say tonight I'll leave you to read.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, it all belongs to the author. That.

* * *

**The shades of our lost time.**

**by Chemicalfairy**

**V.**

"You did what?!"

Christian looks at me shameless. I am waiting for his answer, the confirmation of his action, of what he has just told me.

"Chistian!"

"Yes, I bought SIP." He says trying to contain his smile. "I told you to keep an open mind."

"So what is this trip? I am traveling on my boss' plane!"

"Technically I am your boss's boss's boss. It is nothing, I am going to New York as well to supervise this event; SIP has had a remarkable projection and growth these last years and, if everything works out fine here, we will have more expansion. I want that."

I sigh in resignation. Is He the reason through all the changes in SIP? The magazine? The fact I went from an assistant to co-editor?

"Ana?" He asks worried. "What are you thinking?"

"It makes me feel like I ascended too quickly because of you and not because of my hard work."

He smiles, laughs even. What is with him?

"No Ana, I don't attend those tasks. You have earned your position. I did checked you quite often, just to see how you were doing."

I am speechless. What am I supposed to say to that?

"You did?"

He smiles, again-again, and nods.

"I, I have to make a quick call. I will be right back." He unfastens his seatbelt to go to the back of the plane.

I put my head down, he sure will call his fiancé. I hate this, thinking we might still have a chance to be, to fix things up; but no, He is taking his role, doing things right. Am I the home-wrecker here?

And then, I remember why we split in the first time. If Leila gets to be his wife He will have the full package, with the submissive included. I can't be that.

He comes back, gives me a weak smile and I reply to it the same way. I feel like there is so much to be said, but what? Why? Damn it.

"We are about to land, we better fasten our seat-belts. Did you enjoy the flight, Miss Steele?"

"Yes, thank you. It was so unexpected, the whole thing."

.

.

I am a couple of hours early. Well, yeah, Christian's plane is a jet, freaking fast. He left to attend some important meetings so I am at my hotel room dressing into my work clothing. I am quiet, doing what I must do in automatic pilot; being with Christian overwhelms me a lot and I think it is because I can control the rush of feelings that come to me, most of them really confusing. I want him for me, only for me; but he has done his choice, a good one, his baby.

His baby, his baby... Some idea, some way out just appears into my mind... Is it really his baby? Is she really pregnant? She had no womb, she had no shame to said She had done everything to keep Christian at her side. What if it is just a trap?

My blackberry starts ringing while I am doing my make up, will it be Christian? I run to answer but It has gone to voicemail. Damn, but I just don't have time now, I will call him on my way to the exposition center.

.

.

"Ana!"

Jack is on the entrance, was He looking for me? I wave back and walk towards him, he sure wondered where was I during the flight.

"Hey Ana, you look gorgeous today. New York really fits you."

Jack says in a deep voice, reaching to touch my forearm. Was It supposed to be sensual? That is just not appropriate.

"Hey Jack. I have a lot to prepare in our stand so I better start now."

He nods, understanding maybe I felt awkward.

.  
.

I am at the workshop with a lot of young writers coming up with great ideas, they just need support, polishing and follow up. We are going to have some excellent works by the end of the week.

My blackberry buzzes in my pocket but I was checking on some girl's work, a poem, a beautiful love poem, so I couldn't answer before It went to voicemail.

Only at the end of the day I could check on my cellphone, three lost calls from Christian, no voicemails. I called him back but I have no answer. maybe he is busy —or maybe he is mad at me.

I roll my eyes at the thought, Christian will understand I was busy. I have just fixed my make up and I am putting my compact back into my purse when Jack approaches me from behind, scaring the living days out of me.

"Hey Ana! How was the workshop?" He asks still holding me from the back of my shoulders. "The book presentation We sponsored went perfect, everyone is really interested in SIP now."

"I am glad Jack, workshop went really good too. Uh, Jack..?"

"We should go out tonight for some drinks to celebrate! What about that Ana? Just you, me and New York baby!"

What?! He is crazy?! We have a lot of work tomorrow and he is really scaring me. I want to tell him to fucking stay away from me.

"Jack, I, I don't think it is a good idea. We have a lot to do tomorrow."

He finally sets my shoulders free. I turn around to see him; fuck, he is upset, I can see it in his eyes. Suddenly he smiles, what?

"You are right dear Ana, maybe by the end of the week."

And saying so He walked away.

What the hell was that?!

.  
.

I was in my hotel bedroom just watching TV on my granny PJs, relaxing from the hard work. My blackberry buzzed while I was in the bathroom. Damn it! Can't I catch a break?

I immediately call him back with no answer again. Damn it Christian! I was cursing out loud when I hear a knock on the door. I rush to it, still cursing.

"Who is that?!"

"Not who you were expecting, for sure."

That is Christian's voice, it sounds weird. I unlock the door and there he is... with a fucked up aspect; what happened?

"Christian?"

"Anastasia Steele." He said with a weird voice. Holy cow, he is drunk!

.

.

"Am I allowed in?" He asks with a voice of a growl, deep and thick, mad.

Why? What is going on? I step aside so he can come into my room. Even his walk looks intimidating, he is standing in a very erect position, like if everything he sees belongs to him; with power. But he does not fool me, behind that powerful look I can see shadows, his fifty shades of fucked-up-ness. I try to not feel intimidated though I am a little bit scared by the time I lock the door.

"Are you going to explain me what is going on with you or...?" I say as I follow him to the main and only room.

His eyes are penetrating my flesh, like laser beams. His grey irises are flickering of anger. What have I done now?!

"I saw you." He answers and I couldn't be anymore confused. "I saw you with him."

"What on Earth are you talking about?"

I am now on the limits of my patience. I am no longer scared but angry, exasperated. _Can you go straight to the point? You are driving me crazy_ _Christian!_

"You and Hyde is what I am talking about! You never answered your damn phone and I got worried, so I went over to check on you and I saw you while Jack was holding you." He stops, frowns his eyebrows, and continues. "You are such a liar..."

I am just standing, trying to comprehend what he has just said.

"He wasn't holding me..."

"He was all over you!" He shouts, scaring the shit out of me. "Don't say it didn't happen."

"I was trying to get him off me! Me and Jack, we don't have anything!"

"It didn't look like anything, you didn't even moved. Your excuses have no sense." He says, his voice sounds like torture, like choking.

Is he suffering? Why? I am completely off mind, confused, upset. Me and my boss? How could he possibly think I would do that?! It is unacceptable. I pale, he is my boss too, in a certain way.

I was trying to find my voice to say something, anything, to assure him I am not having any relationship with Jack, not in a million years. My blackberry buzzed, Daniel's name appeared on the screen; my phone was lying on the bed, very close to Christian's hand and he didn't hesitate to grab it to answer the phone call.

Fortunately It was too late and the call went to voicemail; but that was not enough for him. He dialed the voicemail to hear the message, he pressed the speaker option so I could listen too.

I couldn't react. The way he moved paralyzed me, frightened me, I stood almost breathless while the message was being played.

«_Hey Ana. It's Daniel.  
Listen, I am sorry about how I behave the other night, you are right, sex is not good on the first date. I was thinking of doing things right, take you out to dinner and watch a movie at my place. What do you say?  
Let me know when are you free, ok?»_

Fuck.

Christian smiled wriggly, scary; and in a quick movement he smashed the phone on the floor. Oh my God!

"Christian!" I cried, too scared too talk without a tremble in my voice.

"You are such a..."

He rushes over me, putting me against the wall. He is holding me from my arms with his hands in a very strong way. His breathe smells like Whisky. He is hurting me, scaring me. I have never seen Christian like this, not even in his playroom. He is out of his mind...

"Ana..."

I notice I have my eyes closed, I open them when I hear him calling my name with a wounded voice. I dare to look up to where his gray eyes are and, that movement makes the pole of tears I was holding, to run down my cheek.

He steps back, shadows are more and more visible below his eyes.

"Don't cry. I, I am sorry. Ana... I..."

He is unable to make a single sentence. What is this sudden change? I am speechless too, scared and confused. What should I do now?

I let myself sink onto the carpet. I need to calm down, he is obviously drunk and that is why his actions have no sense at all. I need to get him to his room, wherever that is. _You need to clarify things with him!_ My subconscious raised her voice. What? Clarify what? Jack's stupid and inappropriate hold? Daniel's stupid and explicit voice message?

He might need to explain what the hell does he care. I can understand Jack's, owning the company he sure doesn't want any kind of relationship that might affect SIP. But Daniel? Why does he care about Daniel?

"I am sorry Ana." His harsh voice brought me back to Earth. "I should go." He stepped forward to me and then back again, undecided, hesitating to reach me.

"Can you help me get up?" I ask, a thin line of voice coming out of me.

He offers me his shaking hand which I took. I am shaking too. I thought he would help me stand and go but he doesn't move nor lets go of my hand. His eyes are on mine, not evil anymore but full of shame.

I remember he had said he didn't like drunken people, and I could understand his point after I puked all over him. That night, the first night we slept together, just slept... And I was too unconscious to notice. My flashback ends but Christian is still in front of me, holding my hand, staring at me.

"You, you said, you said you were trying to get Jack off you..." He finally speaks, looks like he is trying to understand what I had said before.

"Well, yes."

"Does he do that often?"

"No." I say quickly. There are his inappropriate flirting lines, but, never something like that. Should I say something? Can Christian fire him?

Of course he can.

"There is nothing between Jack and me. He was just feeling happy because everything went perfect." I justify Jack. "Apparently too happy, I managed the situation without making it awkward for any of us. We work together, I do not want personal issues at work."

Christian shyly smiles.

"You are very professional."

I shrug my shoulders. He finally lets go of my hand and I let gravity to put it on its place.

"I am sorry. I just thought this trip would be for only you and me."

What? He and his ability to make me lose track of everything.

"You and me?"

"I own you a phone." He replied quickly over my question, trying to avoid it. "We will go after work to buy you a new one. Okay?"

"Sure"

I am too shocked to say something smarter.

"Okay. I will pick you up, I, uh, am sorry..."

"Are you going to drive?" I ask, aware that he has taken out his keys out of his pocket. "are you insane?"

"What?"

"I will call you a cab. You are too..."

"Drunk to drive?" He finishes my sentence; a dark shadow appears on his eyes for a brief second and then he puts his keys back into his pocket.

"You need a Taylor back." I say. "I was wanting to ask you what happened with him...?"

"This." He pointed himself. "We fought while He was trying to get me home after I had got drunk, again. I hurt him really bad."

Oh. My. God.

"I let him and Gail go. I was hurting everyone around me as I almost hurt you tonight."

"I thought you didn't like to get drunk."

"It makes me forget."

_Forget._

* * *

It was very hard to write a mean Christian but I wanted to go deep into what happened with him those three years he had not seen Ana. I want to thank you for all the lovely reviews I've gotten, they make want to continue on writing and get better every time. As a reward I thought I could give you a little head ups! How about for a hot scene next chapter? Let me know your thoughts!

Good night!


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